February 2008

BRIDGING THE GAP

    CRADLE ROBBERS…..that’s what some in our community are called.  There are a significant amount of same sex couples that venture into the age difference couples category.

    How many couples do you meet that you mistake for mother-daughter or father-son?  You know the ones…where they have like 20 years between them?  The ones who the older one is the same age as your parents. WOW. 

    It’s difficult to understand this type of relationship when you are on the outside.  In this lesbian and gay community, however, it becomes a common scene. 

    These couples face the odds.  Couples with a significant age difference between them have to admit that age does indeed become a factor at certain times.  The younger ones in the couple have a little bit of growing up to do sometimes.  It’s the young ones that you see out at the bar a lot without their partner because the older ones are already at home in bed.  Sometimes this works for the couple, but a lot of times it gets old.  The whole partying stage is one that we typically don’t grow out of until we reach our 40’s it seems.  And sometimes, we don’t grow out of it at all! 

    Age difference can bring a lot of serious questions to the relationship.  Is this young thing just after me for my money?  Gold digger, hmmmm, maybe?  Or are they just after me because I am experienced?  Most of the older crowd you find are secure and stable in life, and a lot of the younger ones just want to “feed” off of them for awhile. 

    Lesbians and gays who bridge this generation gap and defy this age realm face many challenges in making the relationship work.  It takes a lot of communication and trust to keep things together.  The younger ones need to take on some responsiblity in life and learn to understand that a true loving couple doesn’t always have to be the center of attention.  Separating themselves from the bar scene and creating a true atmosphere surrounded by friends that they can trust, that  is a start.  Trying other activities beyond the bar also helps.  I am not saying you have to join the local bingo hall either. 

    I bring up the age difference matter because I am turning 31 on saturday.  YEAH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!  My partner of 4 years is 37. Our age difference is not that significant because we are both stable and set in life, as far as careers and having things together.  In the past I tried to bridge the age category when I was younger.  I was 21 and dated a 37 year old at the time.  I was just starting out with my life experience and she was set already.  It didn’t work between us because I wanted to be out with my friends all the time and she wanted me to be home.  I wasn’t ready to settle down.  Now I am.  And thank god, I found the love of my life and we are doing that.

       It takes some special couples to make the age difference works. I have seen many do it…and I have seen many fail miserably.  I wish I had the answer to making it work, but I don’t.  Each situation is different.  I just encourage trust and communication in those type of relationships.  That is all I can say on the matter.  I wish you all the best of luck!

Peace and Love to All

GREENER

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Heal The Heart

 “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger,”  a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche sums up the whole broken heart phenomenon.  Humans are tough creatures by nature.  Our health can be attacked and we can recover.  Our jobs or finances can be attacked, and we can find a way to make ends meet.  But, when you attack the heart, one can be left devastated.

    Few things in this life hurt worse than a broken heart.  We have all felt it.  It’s the blow that is crippling and the one you never see coming.  Maybe a friend turns their back on you.  Someone you love may disappoint you and not love you in return. 

    A broken heart, however, is the one feeling that seems to stay with us.  It is part of being human, and is sometimes a reminder of what we hate the most.  It’s human nature to interact with those around us. People make mistakes and sometimes act out of spite sometimes.  It’s those relationships that we have to learn how to deal sensibly with.  People are going to disappoint you…bottom line.  Not everyone is the same.

    Is the solution to avoid people altogether?  NO.  Is it to shut our hearts off and avoid relationships that might disappoint or hurt us?  Can we throw away getting to know someone based on being hurt in the past? 

    People say that no one ever died of a broken heart.  When you are suffering from one though, it doesn’t feel that way.  No one understands it but yourself and you are left alone and deserted.  Somehow, someway, you must pull yourself together….but how do you do that?

    For starters, don’t focus on the person that caused your pain.  It is a natural process to think about that person, yes, but your mind needs to focus on something else.  Join a club, exercise class, or team sport.  Focus on your work…let your brain attack the most important part of your career. 

    Go out with friends.  Not the friends that the “two” of you had together either.  The ones that do not have an opinion on the matter and are there to support you only.   Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with them either if you trust them.  A good cry on a friend’s shoulder is a start.

    Don’t blame yourself for what happened.  Remember what is good about you and focus on that.  Differences occur and it’s neither party’s fault.  Remind yourself of all the qualities you possess that make others like you.

    Also, take care of your health.  A broken heart can be stressful and therefore hit all the major organs.  Remember you still have to eat, exercise and sleep.

    Give yourself time also.  This broken heart does not go away over night.  It could take days, months or even years.  Extra support is always out their in counseling.  Talk things through. 

    When you are ready to move on, your heart will tell you when it is.  You will start to feel more like yourself again and start noticing those around you giving you the attention you deserve.  Never give up hope.  Someone loved you once for who you were, and you will be loved again, only this time it could be better.  Don’t give up, just cause you got a broken heart in the past.  Life is a long process.  Find me one person that has never had a broken heart.  Instead you will find many that have…..and those are the ones that didn’t let it “kill” them. 

Have a great week!!!

Greener

————————————————————————————————— This week I’m doing a lil’ something different. I have had a dream that keeps re-occurring every once in awhile. Every time I have it, I remember that I have had it in the past. It’s crazy. I finally wrote down some thoughts on it…. and it seems to be turning into a sci-fi book. I would love opinions on what I have so far. Anyone who thinks I should keep it going and try to turn this into a book someday, please encourage me…. cause I have a life dream of being a published author; and we all know how hard that is. Here is the beginning chapter. The book doesn’t have a name yet either……….. Chance. My name given to me at birth, and I know now it was for a reason. The story I am about to tell you no one has ever heard before now. No one even knows I exist. I look like any other stranger to you. You do not know I am the reason you are still here. I am what you would call today’s Noah, except without the arc. Confused? You are not the only one.

It all started when I became a police officer. I think it’s when I took the vow to protect and serve. I am a lover of human beings and know that sometimes their behavior makes them act in ways they wouldn’t normally be. Everyone deserves another chance at life is my belief, but if you make me believe this when I shouldn’t, shame on you.

I don’t necessarily believe that I am here because of my commitment to society either. I was chosen for other reasons; I just haven’t figured those out yet. You ask what I am talking about eh? Do you know that you were not here yesterday? Did you know that the world ended yesterday? Society, as you know it, did not exist yesterday. But, somehow you are here…in this new world that I was chosen to create. I need your help; this is why you were picked.

Each day I walk with my eyes and my heart. Who will be the next one? Why are you special enough to live on? I am able to see inside, to the core. Some of it is torture, and I alone know your deepest secrets. I never wanted to see the deception that I have seen. It is pure evil, but I am able to cope with it, so far.

I am given a week each time. A week to study and observe whom I think deserves to live in this new world that I get to create. After I have chosen the one, it starts all over. I do not know how many weeks I will get before the weeks of choosing will end. I do not know how many people in the end there will be. I just keep choosing. So far, it has been six months. There are 56 weeks in a year, so divide that and I have chosen 28 people. Now you know why your world is so small. There are only 29 of us up to this point. If you go by calculations of your last world this could be a kindergarten class. Kind of ironic huh? You are just starting out on your journey to your individualism again.

There will be many questions. In time, I hope that I have the answers you need. I have only been given a few. The first one is evident. Our prior life and world was not the one we were supposed to live in. Now, I am learning as I go, just as you are. But, you do not know that I am the one that has chosen you so you question each other. I pretend to be one of you because I do not know if I am found to be THE ONE if that would jeopardize this new world.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK??

PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU ALL

GREENER