March 2008

 ANOTHER FIRST

    There are a lot of firsts in life.  The feeling of remembering all those firsts is just a memory.  But, to live them again would be amazing.  The first step you took.  The first word you spoke.  Those are ones that we can not remember ourselves but I bet if you asked one of your parents, they would. 

    First times for anything can be so enjoyable.  Remember your first bowl of your favorite cereal? Mine was lucky charms….oh the delightful little marshmallows, how they melted in my mouth!  The first time I saw a bird fly and how I wanted to be just like it.  Soaring through the sky without a care in the world. 

    There are a lot of firsts we don’t want to remember.  Remember the first time you went to the doctor and they stuck that needle in your arm?  Our first jolt of pain inflicted on us by someone else was not all that wonderful.  You wonder why so many people fear going to the doctor later in life?  Same for pets.  The first time they go to the vet and get stuck, they remember, oh yeah they do.  The next time you try to stuff them in the carrier to go again, they hold on to the sides for dear life because they know where you are taking them!

    Yesterday, I got to experience a first for my girl….her first CAVS game.  She had told me a few months back that she would like to go to one.  So, I went searching for tickets on the internet and looked at both our schedules and yesterday’s game was the best one we could go to.  Cavs played the Portland Trailblazers.  Not exactly your prime game but, afterall, it was a CAVS game. 

    My girl was excited after she found out I got her tickets to go.  I couldn’t keep it a surprise because who knows what we would have scheduled on the game day instead of it. She had to go to the dentist after work yesterday and get a filling re-done so I hoping she was going to be in good sprits coming out of there…and she was.

    The drive up was boring.  Who in ohio hasn’t driven to Cleveland?  Bumper to bumper traffic on the other side for those getting the hell out of Cleveland.  We were the lucky ones who got to head INTO it!  I asked her if she was excited and she said YEAH.

    We get there and we pay $15 dollars to park!   Close lot to the “Q” and easy to get in and out of.  5 minute walk to get in the doors, we hand over our tickets, get scanned for weapons and whatnot and head into the concourse.  There are some break-dancers performing in front of a band, my girl thought that was cool.  We stop and get a beverage at one of the consessions.  $6.25 for a 16 oz beer. (x2= $12.50….could’ve bought a 12 pack with that! )  People everywhere!  Our seats are in the 200 section so we have to take the escalator up to the 2nd level.  $35 dollar tickets each, section 200 (what a rip off!). 

    Getting off the escalator we head towards our section….halfway around the place.  We find our seats which are the first row of our section right on the rail.  Seats were cramped and knees up to the rail.  I look over and she looks amazed at the jumbo-tron and how big the arena is.  We sit for a few minutes and then decide to go get something to eat since we are early for the game.

    Heading back out to the consessions, we decide on a chicken platter ($7.50) and burger platter ($7.00) and she wants a bag of peanuts ($3.50) (=$18.00 for supper).  We get our food, load the ketchup on the fries, grab a handful of napkins and head back to our seats.  Eating before the game, we look around to see if we know anyone….nope. 

    Game starts with the starting line-ups. The place goes dark and each time they introduce a CAVS player they shoot fire in the sky from these huge propane-powered firebreathers.  That was cool and my girl jumped each time because it was also LOUD and HOT!  The scoreboard itself had swords that went up also. 

    During the game they threw t-shirts and balls into the stands. We weren’t close enough to get any of that of course.  We saw the dancers perform during the breaks and they were nice performers.  Oh yeah, the national anthem was sang beautifully at the start of the game.

    So, anyway, the game goes thru all 4 quarters. Lebron didn’t look very good in the first quarter throwing up a few air balls along the way.  There was so much noise in there between the music and all, that my girl asked, “I wonder how they can even concentrate on the game with all that noise.”  Yeah, really.  It was all very intense.  2nd quarter went on and FINALLY before it almost ended Lebron slammed one!  The place went wild!  Now thats a CAVS game with Lebron lighting it up for a second. 

    3rd and 4th quarters went on. Very low scoring game.  Oh by the way, thru the game, we had another beer ($6.25), a pop ($5.00), and a pretzel ($3.50).   So, with two minutes left and the CAVS up we start for the lower level because we don’t want to get blocked in when everyone goes to leave all at once.  We use the facilities (hand sanitizer in the bathrooms) and head on back to our vehicle. 

     We somehow managed to maneuver our way out of the cramped lot (gotta get every spot filled to get the money!)  and head back to the highway to head home. 

    In the end, CAVS won, Lebron had a triple-double, we spent 2 hours on the road total, spent $117.75, and used up some $3 dollar a gallon gas  She enjoyed being there live, and I enjoyed giving her one of her FIRSTS.  In the end….the look on her face when Lebron James slammed one home right in front of her live on the court…..priceless. 

    PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL

GREENER

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    THIS week I have a lot going on, so I’m just going to leave you with a little bit of my lesbian poetry.  Hope you enjoy it!

FREE

To love a woman

as you love a man.

To be who I am

away from society’s norms.

Challenge me

on what I feel

on what I perceive.

But, this lifestyle

leads me to me.

I know my part

I am no longer a piece

of this jigsaw puzzle of life.

I finally fit into place

with no corners bent

with no force applied.

I portray this fragment

of the scene you see

The portrait, which has become me.

Judge me

I dare you

For I can not be condemned

for loving,

Can I?

Fear me

if you have the courage to.

I am not the PLAGUE

nor a disease.

I am human

just like you.

The world is not a mirror,

I have looked…

and no one looks like me.

Can’t you see

that difference

is what makes society just THAT.

Allowing the differences

breaks that vicious image

some have

and freedom comes alive.

Freedom to BE

Freedom to LIVE

as one chooses.

So, CHOOSE.

I have.

I choose LOVE.

 

SONG FOR MY WIFE

I think I became a songbird

when you stood in front of me

cause all I wanted to do was

SING SING SING.

Sing about this love

Sing about this life

Shout it out to above

that I want you as my wife.

I knew as soon as I met you

that you were the one for me

cause all I wanted to do was

DANCE DANCE DANCE

The first time that we kissed

my heart began to melt

cause the only thing that I felt was

LOVE LOVE LOVE

When I look into your eyes

my palms begin to sweat

the rest of my body gets

WET WET WET

Wannt take you to my bed

hold you all night long

whisper in your ear

MY LOVE MY LOVE MY LOVE.

PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL

GREENER

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BETRAYAL

 An essential part of any relationship is trust.  Whether it be romantic, just friends, between a parent and child; the main part is trust.  Trust defines a relationship.  It builds intimacy and strengthens bonds.  Trust though, is often taken for granted.  When that trust becomes damaged it can lead to hard feelings and almost impossible roads to mend.

   

 When someone you love betrays you, whether a friend or lover, you go thru an emotional roller coaster.  There are feelings of embarrassment, disbelief, self doubt, rage, loss and sadness. 

   

We don’t see betrayal before it happens.  Why? Simple, it comes from the ones we trust and we are not looking.  Our vulnerabilities are broken down and we do not always stand guard.  So we stand unprotected when we come to find the horrible surprise.  A wife may find lipstick on her husbands collar that doesn’t belong to her; money from an account comes up missing from an employee you trust; a friend goes behind your back and pins something THEY said on you; you find alcohol in the house after a parent says they stopped drinking.  There are all kinds. 

     

Betrayal comes in many forms.  A promise broken, a lie exposed, or boundaries crossed.  We are hurt more by those that we trust the most.  When we rely on people and they hurt us, it is intense.

   

People have different reactions to betrayal. Other friends tell you to have the “not care” attitude.  Meaning who needs someone like that in your life, just let it go and move on.  A lot of times though, people just want to heal the relationship, especially, if the betrayal is a lie.  You may have your suspicions and sometimes, not all the time, it turns out to be just a misunderstanding.  It is important to talk things out and get to the facts before you make any decisions.

   

 Lying is a part of the betrayal.  A lot of times friends do it to look good.  They choose to present the image of themselves as attractive and desirable rather than tell the truth.  Friends sometimes betray other friends because they don’t want to make themselves look bad with the information and lose other friends in the process.

   

Women that go thru their husbands having an affair go thru a long process to trust again. It’s kinda the same process as grieving any loss.  You have your denial stage where she doesn’t believe it happened even if it was clear cut in front of her.  There is shock. How could he have done this to me?  And you start the self doubt.  You have your anger stage, where you start wanting to get back at him.  And then there is a long recovery stage, where the woman either must forgive him and work on the relationship or go their own way and somehow find happiness in her life.   

   

How do we never get betrayed? You don’t.  But, a good way to start out is to start trusting people on different levels.  You may only find one person in your life who you trust with every detail of it, and that is okay.

    

Real friends are hard to come by.  Who hasn’t had a friend that has completely burned you?  A lot of friends are just casual, and those you have to watch out for.  Those are the ones that you see in a social setting and you don’t really know their motives.  They are there for their own personal gain and get information so they can gossip about it later.  It helps them make their own life seem not so bad.  Be careful what you share with those friends, if anything.

   

Many people in your life will tell you that they are there for you. It’s human nature to want to reach out to someone else.  But, it’s a rarity to actually find someone that says it and means it and acts upon it. 

   

It’s better for ourselves to start believing in ourselves and working on getting to the point where you can stand on your own two feet and not rely on someone else.  Wives sometimes stash a fund somewhere that they have earned in case they ever get left.  It’s natural sometimes to have a safety net.  But, if your husband ever finds it, make sure you have a good reason to back it up and help him understand your reasoning, because that there is betrayal to him. 

   

You cannot always choose what happens to you, but you can choose what happens “in you.”  Your attitude towards certain situations will carry you through.  Be strong and take control when you can.  Understand you will be hurt and disappointed by those you love once in a while, it how you recover from it and mend or break those relationships.  Just be yourself.  Circumstances beyond our control will happen, it’s the circumstances that you CAN control and your reactions to them that make all the difference.

PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL

GREENER